please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
