oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
