Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
