I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
