fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
