I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
