So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
