No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
