i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
