After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
