Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
