I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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