I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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