thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
