before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
