My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize