happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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