Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
