Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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