He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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