Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
