We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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