I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
