ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
