Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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