In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
