hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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