haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
