my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's never too late to be topless.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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