Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize