I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
