How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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