I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
either way he was missing a nipple.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
