If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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