i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Pants are for mortals
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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