just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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