so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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