Life is so much better after having sex.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
