I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
