i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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