I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
