in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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