So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
