Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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