how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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