I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
