im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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