sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
