I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
