Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
