Sponge bath it is.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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