Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
