I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
True strength comes from lack of pants
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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