I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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