My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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