i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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