Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
