and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize