Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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