I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
