I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
