i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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