I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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