so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
