lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
