She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
