Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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