The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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