Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
