I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
