Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
