thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
