Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I did not marry a roomba.
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