u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
