I accidentally had phone sex last night
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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