no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
