You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
