hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
