She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
