Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
