we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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