it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
