dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
