i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
