I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
