Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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