How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
