I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
