I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
