I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
