i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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